Covid. The Office. A Book Contest and Lost Hope.
It was Covid-19, I had online classes, I was depressed and anxious — Like everyone else at that time. Some people lost jobs, some lost people. I personally lost my mental health, isolation hitting me more than I would have ever acknowledged.
Needless to say, it was a hard time. I resorted to taking up new things, new habits as the gurus told us during covid. Nevertheless, the gurus were wrong, as online courses were left untouched, I slept through the mornings, lay awake at nights watching The Office.
It was an overwhelming and unsatisfactory routine. (The Office was a TV show that saved my life. Watching it day in and day out, Jim and Pam, and Michael embarassing himself all the time. What A Guy! And What A Show!)
So I thought of something to get me through the boredom of being home all the time. With this notion in mind, I started writing a book — mind you, I thought I’d be a published writer by the end of it. (I know, I know, stupid..) And it went extremely well, I designed my own cover, and starting writing 50,000 words in one month.
Wattpad and Awards
I was writing a Young Adult book, so it was an arduous journey for me. And yet, I was so in love with my characters, with the preset, everything felt a little less depressing, and sorrowful with the dreams in my head.
Destiny took me to an app, called “Wattpad.” I liked its awards and publishing deals. So now my goal turned into becoming a published author on Wattpad. Sweat mixed with tears, days turned into dark nights.
I kept writing, editing, rewriting, taking courses related to writing. (These didn’t get left untouched… What a Relief.) In short, I was on a roll. And my end goal was getting an award on Wattpad. I was an all or nothing type of girl. Either I burn the whole place down with my awesomeness or I sit in a corner staring at the wall, blending in with the tapestry behind me.
It was a done deal.
I was getting published like my friends who were younger than me. I had a friend who wrote a novel which was getting 50,000+ reads and on to be the bestseller. So needless to say, I was in good company.
Elena and Zach, (characters from my Young Adult novel) were bound to get the limelight they deserved.
The Final Moment
I finally finished my writing, set my shoulders straight and published each chapter on Wattpad with a zeal and zest to match a published author. I patiently uploaded my story on the awards platform, hoping and praying while I was 99 percent confident I’d make it.
I wish I could tell you I made it.
As I sat in the dark, at 12 AM waiting for the results, I felt hope. It had been a while since I had felt hope and happiness. I had worked hard for this and I was praying for my name in the winners.
It wasn’t.
Not even runner up.
Not even close.
As I told you, I was an all or nothing kind of person. So I did what any sane person would have done after the names were called out and the winners were distributed prizes. (Publishing deal and stuff like that)
I stopped writing, deleted my storybook and left the Fiction world for good.
Elena and Zach didnot get the limelight they probably didnot deserve.
Once I fail at something, it’s hard to give a go at it again. I am very dejected when I lose at something.
Lesson Learned
But hey, there was light at the end of the tunnel.
I came back to writing after two years. (I know, someone slap me please..) But hey, now I’m back for good. (But Fiction world? Nope, I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore.)
Non-fiction is safe. It’s good. It’s not about how to kill this character off or how to make a werewolf story that sells. Or how to make the heroine in love with the villain by the end.
How to make a brainless protagonist that every man in sight falls for.
Nope. Not doing that, not in the next 10 years anyway.
Non-fiction is just plain, simple and easy.
I like non-fiction better now. I also got a lesson from my failure.
I am actually not good at everything and that’s fine.
Fiction, I’ll be back someday, when I’m a hopeless romantic again. Right now, I’m too sad at the demise of my book to go back.
